Nonsense Cookerature: How to Create a HiccupxSelf Insert Fanfiction
by ChaMeleonNinja812
Summary: A easy to read, easy to prepare recipe guiding you on how to prepare your very own Hiccupxself insert fanfiction. Success is NOT guaranteed and a terrorist attack might follow. Don't Like? Please Read! Flame please! Compliments are not allowed.
1. Chuppter On

_Greetings, stranger. If this is your first time reading one of my abominations, I apologize beforehand for any damage inflicted upon your sanity, ego or retinas._ _I am so sorry._

 _In case your tiny cerebral cortexes haven't worked it out yet, HTTYD belongs to Dreamworks and Cressida Cowell, not me, not my cat Zeref, and no, it doesn't belong to Donald Trump either, contrary to common belief._

 _Anyways, on with the show! (or, in this case, the recipe)_

 **How to Create Thy Very Own HiccupxSelf Insert Fanfiction** _Thou shalt require:_

 _1 ooc Hiccup_

 _1 self insert_ _900000 ml romantic cliches_

 _2 cups of fantasies_

 _125 g raging prepubescent female hormones_

 _1000 kg corn kernels_

 _2500 kg brie cheese(grated)_

 _5 heaped tablespoons grammar bad_

 _1/2 cup badd spaling_

 _1 ooc Berk cast(afterthought)_

 _* this recipe does not require a plot so don't even bother_

 _* *for a HiccupxOc fanfiction, simply change name and colouration of self insert_

 ** _Step on:_** Beat raging hormones using electric mixer at high speed until fluffy. Fold in fantasies using overactive imagination. Set aside.

 ** _Step tw:_** Preheat oven at 1000 for 15 minutes. Bake ooc Hiccup at 250000 for 45 minutes or until smoking hot.

 ** _Step thre:_** In a large beer keg, add your smokin' hawt Hicc, hormone mixture, and half of the romantic cliches. Swing keg around your head several times. Then, add the rest of the cliches and self insert. Swing until well combined.

 ** _Step fou:_** To prepare the corny cheese/cheesy corn sauce, blend cheese and corn until smooth. Heat mixture in a cowboy hat over stove at low heat, stirring gently with a spork. Remove from heat after 10 minutes. Set aside until needed.

 ** _Step fiv:_** Pour your unholy self insert mixture onto a baking tray. Sprinkle in ooc Berk cast as an afterthought. Wait until it sets. Then poke holes in it using Deadly Nadder quills. Drizzle with cheese sauce and leave to firm up.

 ** _Step si:_** Garnish with grammar bad and badd spaling before serving. If desired, add a lame-ass screenshot cover with comic sans lamer-asser title. Serve. And by serve I really mean "inflict this repulsive mess upon the eyes of your audience so that it corrodes their retinas".

 _Well now that's over with, once again, I offer my sincere apologies for any physical and emotional harm caused by this abomination._

 _Thank you for wasting your time to wallow through this mess. I appreciate it, I really do._

 ** _Remember to flame!_**


	2. Chuptter Twop

_Saturday. Bored. Write._

 _Dreamworks. Cowell. Own. HTTYD._

 _Abomination. Long. Sorry._

 _You. Read. Thanks._

 ** _Start now._**

Once there wuz a viking on BeRk her name called Feshballs **(A/N: oh wait, her name isn't cool enough for a self-respecting self-insert sorry Imma fix that )** so her name wuz FROZEN Feshbulz and she wuz teh fat guys cousin or sumthin and she wuz Heccups GF liek omg cuz Astrid SUKS **(A/N: I'm sorry Astrid! You know I don't really mean that!)** but Astird wus her bff anways so wuz the girl twin n teh black hair gurl they were all bfffffff n FEshbols wuz lik SO PREETY So she wuz Hicupz Gf dan HOcccup came ova he wuz like So SMOKIN HAWT HE had six pex but not just six pax they were _wtf is goin on down there packs_ so he wus soo hawt that he luked liek the fiery guy from Fantastijk Fuor literily he wuz FLAMIN **(A/N: gee whiz, that can't be too good for your health)** su he came ova and sed:

"bagels."

Ne then fushbulzz went flyin on her RAINBOW FURY **(A/N: like a Light Fury but rainbow)** with Huccup on Tuthless n den it wuz rainin all ova n HIcop got out teh umbrelluh n helld it ova Fezhboulsz an she blushd cuz dat wuz SO SWEET n her heart started beatin her so hard she wus got sum brooises BUT THEN HECCCCOP PRUPOOSED WITH A DEAMOND RING OMGGGGGGGG SO ROMANTIK Feshbools almost feinted n she sed:

"YAAAAAAAS!!!"

But then Hicccop was run over by a catapult.

 **The End.**

 _Well now that abomination is over and out of the way, I guess I owe you the usual apology. I apologize for any harm dealt to your sanity, retinas or ego. So, so, sorry._ _And I most certainly do NOT think that Astrid sucks! ASTRID IS COOL! VERY COOL!_

 _HICCSTRID IS COOL!_

 _HICCSTRID FOREVER!!!!!!_

 _And now,_

 _The Explanation_

 _Well, I just find this type of fanfiction annoying. That's it. Not trying to raise awareness this time._

 _I guess that these are mostly written by hormone-driven preteen girls, who took a gander at Hiccup here, thought he wuz SO HAWT, and decided that he would make a nice imaginary boyfriend, and **BOOM!**_

 _Instant ship._

 _Y'know, I wonder what they would say, if they actually read the stuff they wrote ,say, 10 years later?_

 _Heh. Oh well, we were all young and dumb once, if not still, and anyone who claims otherwise is probably a liar._

 _As always, PLEASE FLAAAAAME!_


End file.
